Act Fifteen: Adrift on a Sea of Sharks
Location: the MiniSub

Cut to: the minisub being persued by two sharks.

Miklos: Now what do we do huh?
Robin: Triple our speed and we'll out run them!
Miklos: I am at full speed! What else?
Robin: That's it, that's all I got.
Miklos: That's all you got Ms. MIT, c'mon!
Robin: WHAT do you want from me?!

A suggestion of how to escape, one would think. Maybe Miklos isn't being clear here.

They get rammed by a shark.

DQ3: Miklos! Jesus!
Robin: He's out cold!

Er, worked that out with your medical knowledge from the other end of the minisub did we? Cos I reckon getting your head smashed in might cause you to die...

DQ3: Go one, get out.

They haul him out, Robin now checks his pulse for a second.

Robin: He's out like a light.

Cut to: exterior, two sharks, one bites off an engine, the other starts to help eat it.

Cut to: Interior

DQ3: Thank god!

Yeah, cos we didn't need that anyway...

Robin: What's wrong?
DQ3: I have no power on the left engine.
Robin: We haven't lost power in the left engine, we HAVE no left engine.
DQ3: Great. Well, at least we have another one.
Robin: Yeah, but we'll drive round in circles.

Er, if you're a car, yeah, but submarines have these things called rudders...

DQ3: There must be a weapon on board somewhere!

Because otherwise it'd just be silly?

Robin: Hiya, hon.

Robin picks up a shotgun.

DQ3: Well, that's great, tha'll kill a shark, but how are you going to hit it, open a window? Hey! Torpedo launch!
Robin: Torpedoes!
DQ3: Push launch, there!

A torpedo leaps free

DQ3: Where'd it go?
Robin: Remember the targeting data?

Ah, so the Navy has these minisubs which fall off all the time that they keep loaded with torpedoes, armed torpedoes mind, that can target fish even if you fail to instruct them to do so...

The sharks ram the submarine, biting off a big tank, and proceed to eat that.

DQ3: At least they didn't get the engine, see?
Robin: Yeah, they ate the oxygen tank. That's just great!
DQ3: Shit!
Robin: We've got about fifteen minutes left.
DQ3: Great.

They notice a beeping thingy and look out the window.

Both: Oh, shit!

They haul ass and manage to evade the torpedo.

Robin: See? I told you to read the instructions! Fuck, these torpedoes only shoot at fixed targets!
Miklos: Those are seismic torpedoes, they clear out underwater obstacles.

Come again? Obstacles to what exactly?

Robin: Oh, thank you for that little piece of information.
DQ3 (to Miklos): Don't touch your blood!
Miklos: What?
DQ3 (to Robin): Take off your top!
Robin: What?
DQ3: Take off your top, now!
Robin: You take off your top!
DQ3: You're wearin' a bra! Do it!

And you're male, so...

Robin: Jesus christ, snappy-oh...

Robin disrobes. DQ3 immediately slaps up Mikos's severe head injury.

Miklos: Dee day, thank you very much, what are you doing?
DQ3: You'll see, help me open the hatch.
Robin: You're using the blood to attract the sharks!
DQ3: Very good!

The sharks that are already attacking you?

DQ3: Gimme your gun!
Robin: No way man, I shoot the shark!
DQ3: Alright, fine, you do it then.

They dangle the t-shirt in the water, the shark obligingly puts its head in the hatch, and they shoot it.

Robin: Gotcha!
DQ3: You get it?
Robin: Yeah!
DQ3: Awight!
Robin: Turn round and we get the other one!

The remaining shark is eating the first shark. The minsub maneuvers into position.

Robin: Level out. OK, ease up!
DQ3: OK, tell me when!
Robin: K, I got a lock! Fire!
DQ3: Fire!

The torpedo goes, and then boom! No more shark!


Act Fourteen: The Great Escape!