Act Ten: Dr Old and the Exposition of Doom
Location: Lab of Evil.

Dr Old: You know you're still going to have a problem even if you decrease the hydrazine dose.
Dr Foreign: Doctor, I'm running out of options, there's another full operational test tomorrow. You got to speak to him yourself!
Dr Old: An' tell him what? That after twenty seven years, we still can't control them? In the open seas?
Dr Foreign: There has to be a solution!
Dr Old: No, sometimes there's not! Sometimes things just aren't meant to be!


DQ3, Robin and Miklos climb out of the tank.

Dr Old: Get 'em out of here!
Dr Foreign: Everybody! Out out out!
Dr Old: Get out, dither!

All the happy go lucky scientists run away. Dr Foreign grabs the intercom.

Dr Foreign: This is the lab, we need security now. Now!

He hangs up.

Dr Foreign: Lets go, Doctor!
Dr Old: I'll be right behind you, wheat gum!

Dr Foreign leaves, DQ2 closes a pressure door behind him.

Miklos: We're trapped!
Dr Old: No one can enter this room with the access door closed.

Unless they swim through, obviously, but no one would do that, surely, because no one else is savvy enough to realise the sharks have been sedated with internet shark porn.


Robin: Who the hell are you? And what are you doing here?
Dr Old: Marine biology, genetics, gene coding.

Waitasec, wasn't that what DQ2 used to do?!

Robin: Oh great, so you're the psycho that bred the sharks!

Ah, plot savvy kicks in, Robin knows the sharks were bred, not just captured. Say, she must be real bright like.

Dr Old: That was a part of it.
Robin: And are you happy with what you've done here?
Dr Old: So you were part of the Resolve?

Yeah, he was the rudder.

DQ3: Yeah.
Dr Old: I'm glad to see you survived.
DQ3: You didn't answer her question.
Dr Old: Are you proud of what you've done with your life?
DQ3: She asked you!
Dr Old: I know, but I'm asking you.

Ah, Dr Old has trapped DQ3 with the 'yeah but then I did so' technique. Cunning.

DQ3: I did what I had to do to survive.
Dr Old: So did I. Alastair Somerville?
DQ3: He didn't make it.
Dr Old: That's too bad.
DQ3: Really?
Dr Old: He was a friend.
DQ3: So where the hell are we?
Dr Old: USS Reprisal, research submarine.

Miklos opens a cupboard.

Miklos: Shotguns in a lab?
Robin: That's one way to deal with an unruly shark!

Actually no, it really isn't. Shark skin is pretty much bullet proof to begin with, and shot both slows to a dead stop and shatters into dust within about a foot of water.

DQ3: Research? Research using sharks as weapons!
Dr Old: Yes!
DQ3: Jesus christ! What, did we run out of torpedoes and cruise missiles?!
Dr Old: More than military, CIA, NSE they all want weapons made by nature.

The NSE? That's Wall Street! Gordon Gecko commissioned killer sharks? Actually that's almost believable.

Dr Old: Air Force has been trying for years to control the weather. For military purposes. Well, I started. It was a different world.
DQ3: Yeah, well, the cold war's over pal.

Dr Old: Today they say they need it more than ever. Skewed political lines, terrorism.
DQ3: And the world always needs a better weapon, right?
Dr Old: Ha ha ha! Touché!

Cut to: Foster creeping up on a door. They attach wires to it. It is a decoder!

Because obviously the security guy didn't need to know the combination to the door.

Cut to: Robin and Miklos loading up with shotguns.

Robin: Did you ever see Terminator 2?
Miklos: Of course!
Robin: It was cool, huh?

This dialogue had better be relevant real fucking fast.

Cut to outside the door, the Captain talks to Foster on the radio.

Captain: Well whuts the hold up there Foster?
Foster: We'll have it open in a minute captain.
Captain: Wemember Major, do not open fire unless absowutely neccesawy. It a five hunded miwwion dowwar lab in dere.
Foster: Yes sir.

Cut to DQ3 and Dr Old's expositionfest.

DQ3: How did you know Somerville?
Dr Old: I told you, he was a friend.
DQ3: Yeah. I know. What you told me.

And we're asking because...

Cut to Miklos and Robin being damp with large guns. A siren beeps.

Robin: Shit!

Miklos runs to the door and listens.

Miklos: We got marines outside the door!

What? They weren't playing by the 'pause for exposition' rules?

Cut to DQ3 and Dr Old's expositionfest.

DQ3: Did you. Did you know Dane Quatrell?
Miklos: They're overriding the lockdown! They're comin' in! Dane!

Miklos chucks DQ3 a gun.

Act Nine: The Tits of Idiocy

Act Eleven: The Battle of the Catwalks