Act Seven: Having Fun on the Station
Location: The USS Resolve.

Robin: OK, we got a seal!
DQ3: Good. OK, Somerville, it's your show.
Miklos: Sir! My team will go inside first to verify structural integrity. We'll retrieve those surveillance videos.
Somerville: Do it!
Miklos: Gorman!

They're going to verify structural integrity from inside? So, basically, by seeing if they die horribly or not. Excellent plan!

Miklos: We do this by the numbers, alright? We get in there and check for stress fractures and cracks. Grab the surveillance tape and we're out.

Miklos and Seaman open a hatch and drop in wearing gas masks.

Miklos: OK, I'm entering the facility.
Somerville: OK, do you read me?
Miklos: Yeah, I read you.
Somerville: Good.
Miklos: The structure appears to be, uh, OK.
Somerville: Good.
Miklos: I'm uh, heading over to the pressure door. Opening the pressure door.

Just a sec, pressure doors keep very different pressure apart from each other, at the point you open it, something ought to explode.

Miklos: Two dive suits appear to be missing. They must have been outside when the attack occurred.
DQ3: He's sayin' attack! Now why is he usin' that word?
Somerville: Why don't you ask him?
Miklos: The dead one appears to be Mike Johnson.
Somerville: What about Hank Ross and Tim Goodman?
Miklos: Ah, you have to only guess that they're the ones that were outside when the attack occurred.

No, shit, really?

Miklos: I've found the surveillance tape. We're heading out.

They all come back on board.

Miklos: There you are sir.
Somerville: Good, thanks. OK, c'mon, get out of there Andrews!
Andrews: Yes sir!
Somerville: Alright, Dean, put it up on the main screen will ya? All right, here we go, we're going to get some answers now!

They play the tape. It's the porn tape.

Somerville: What the hell is this?
Robin: I've seen this one before!
DQ3: Now I see what's happened, see when Candy was gettin' it from Tom from behind, she must have hit her head on the decompression valve, see? The rest is history.
Somerville: Shut up, will ya? What the hell is this?
DQ3: Some of us were enjoying that!
Somerville: Where's the surveillance tape?
Miklos: That's the only tape that was...
Somerville: This is it?

Somerville destroys the tape.

Somerville: Goddamn it!

OK, are we going to believe that there was only ever a single solitary tape on the entire base? What was the point of them asking for the camera to be switched on right at the beginning if they know there's no tape? Are we also meant to think that no one in the company thought to pack a crate of them as supplies? Are these guys meant to have been bringing their own tapes in?

Somerville grabs a gas mask and goes into the rig base thing. DQ3 follows.

DQ3: Somerville, you mind telling me what the hell we're looking for?

Robin arrives, perky, wet and listening to her iPod.

DQ3: Are you crazy? Where's your oxygen mask?
Robin: Oh, lemme give you boys a little lesson in physics. First the fire starts, then the oxygen gets shut off to put the fire out, then the oxygen comes back on to maintain the pressure in the station.
DQ3: Huh.

That's not physics, that's at best a safety instruction. But the idea of removing the oxygen to put out a fire, wow. Yes, that'd work, but really, what would be the point? You're going to kill everyone inside. Plus, how exactly does the damp bint know this? Somerville doesn't, and he allegedly built the thing. DQ3 doesn't, and he's meant to be either an underwater expert or an arsehole.

DQ3: One thing just doesn't add up. Why does a guy worth eight hundred million bucks risk his own life to come down here and check his oil rig transfer station when there's twenty guys topside that could do the work for you.
Somerville: I'm a hands on kinda guy.
DQ3: We're not getting the whole story here.
Miklos: Guys, get back up here, we have five inbounds coming at top speed!

One has to wonder how Miklos knows these inbounds are at top speed. Surely you have to know what they are and what the top speed is before you can say that. Otherwise, then a speed, say, fifteen knots, or a general idea, 'very fast' or perhaps just a time to intercept, like, twenty second, would make sense. Ah well.

Everyone gets back to the Venture.

DQ3: What the hell is that?

'Are they' would of course be more appropriate as there are five items. Plus DQ3 is again asking someone else a question relating to marine biology when he's the only marine biologist on board.

Robin: You're askin' me I say that's a coordinated shark attack.

I'm sorry, but based on what? Five sonar returns moving in the same direction? We don't know they're sharks, there's been no attack, so, hmm.

DQ3 grabs Somerville

DQ3: You'd better start talkin or I end it right now!
Miklos: Knock it off!
Somerville: Dave! Dave!
Miklos: Knock it off! We need to de clench and clear the area! Come on!
DQ3: Close the emergency hatch!
Miklos: Andrews! Gorman! Lets go!
Robin: We've got eight minutes!
Miklos: We don't have eight minutes!
DQ3: Use the emergency over ride!
Robin: Emergency over ride.

Robin looks blankly at the hatch

DQ3: What the hell are you doing back here?
Robin: Look, there is no emergency over ride!
DQ3: I put one!
Robin: Yeah, in the TOP hatch!
Miklos: You gotta cut the vacuum hose!

Miklos comes aft, DQ3 goes forward.

DQ3: We've got eight minutes, no way around it.
Miklos: Cut the goddamn vacuum hose!

Sharks start to ram the submarine, causing dents to appear in the outside, and all manner of sparks and water gushings to occur inside.

Here I am forced to wonder what all the palaver is about eight minutes. No one has actually bothered to mention this. One might assume it was something to do with how long the sharks would take to arrive, but as we see, that's not the case. Perhaps eight minutes to disconnect the submarine from the transfer station. That seems more plausible, but one has to wonder why, what is taking eight minutes to do, and especially what can be done with an emergency override or by cutting a vacuum hose. Are we trying to suggest that simply closing the door takes eight minutes? What the hell kind of door are we talking about?

Somerville falls over and gets stabbed through the chest, Andrews and Gorman catch fire thanks to the controls being made, evidently, of petrol and matches.

DQ3: Somerville!
Miklos: We gotta move now! Go!
Robin: Dane!
Miklos: We got no time!
Robin: Dane!

DQ3 is having a quick chat with Somerville who appears to be dying of 'unfortunately located end of a pipe'.

DQ3: What are hell are they?
Somerville: They're, I'm...
DQ3: Talk to me!
Somerville: They, uh...

Robin drops back into the transfer station.

Miklos: We gotta go!

Miklos heads back down there too.

Somerville: I know, what of the torsion, blot!
DQ3: Truth about what?
Somerville: It's OK, to blame him, it's not his fault.
DQ3: What are you talkin' about?
Somerville: I, for...
DQ3: Don't you die on me! Somerville!

Miklos goes to close the hatch to the Venture.

Miklos: We're out of time!
Robin: No! We wait! Dane!
DQ3: C'mon, lets get out of here! Abandon ship now, lets go!

DQ3 heads down, whilst a crewman, Andrews or Gorman, run in slow motion from the fires at the front of the boat, even as the sharks continue to ram it. Oh, but he slips! That's gotta be annoying as the submarine then falls off the transfer station, and drifts down where it promptly explosively decompresses.

Robin: Oh, not too bad! A little bit of paint, some cafe curtains and a pot plant, it's not too bad a place to spend the rest of my fucking life!
DQ3: hey, take it easy, we have to figure a way out of here.
Robin: And how is exactly are we gonna do that, we're thirty eight hundred feet down and our sub just got hit by a bunch of sharks on steroids!
Miklos: Sir, we need to get some power back so we can establuch communications ASAP.

OK, the lights are on here, we have power, there are even lights on on most of these machines, indicating they're on too, so, hmmm...

Robin: You can cut the 'sir' crap Miklos, Captain Bligh just lost his ship.
DQ3: Gimme a break!

Captain Bligh is famous mainly for being a bastard whose crew mutinied and set him adrift. Quite what Robin is intending by comparing DQ3 to Bligh is beyond me.

Robin goes to light a smoke. Miklos flicks it away with an expression that says 'A touch miffed, actually'.

Miklos: Cigarettes burn oxygen, and we don't know how much oxygen we have left, ma'am!
DQ3: He's right!
Robin: Remember I'm the smart one! Don't do anything until you run it past me!

She's the smart one? Oh, that would explain the chain smoking in confined spaces with limited air thing.

Miklos: Yeah, I read your files Bard, Reed and MIT. Of course, you were expelled from all three.
DQ3: Hey!

More lights come on. Miklos leaps to the radio microphone.

Miklos: This is transfer station forty three! This is transfer station forty three, do you read me? Requesting emergency assistance!
Robin: The long range antennae's gone, we can only transmit short range.
Miklos: What's the range?
DQ3: Well, unless there's a sub passing right overhead we're shit out of luck. How much charge is left in the batteries?
Robin: We'll run out of oxygen long before the batteries die.
DQ3: Great! I never wanted to die in the dark anyway.
Miklos: This is transfer station forty three requesting immediate assistance, do you read me? Repeat, this is transfer station forty three requesting immediate assistance, do you read? Goddamn it!
Robin: Looks like Sgt. Rock is starting to melt.
Miklos: Fuck! This fuckin' sub!

This isn't a sub, fucking or otherwise, it's a transfer station as you've just been shouting.

DQ3: The bigger they are.
Robin: The harder they cry! Hey, tough guy! The more pissed off you get, the more oxygen you burn!
DQ3: Shhh! Hey Miklos, now that we're all just sitting around here waiting to die, you wanna come clean on Somerville, about this whole mission?
Miklos: Somerville was an old company man.
DQ3: CIA, huh?
Miklos: That's right. They used his legitimate companies as fronts for overseas operations.
Robin: Yeah, this is like a undersea plum.
Miklos: The CIA got wind of a new Navy weapon that was being tested. It's a top secret black program. Now the operation was so black no-one in the military has a handle on it, nobody.

It's a Navy program that no-one in the Navy knows about? They're going to be really surprised, then, eh?

DQ3: And you work for CIA?
Robin: You mean workED.
Miklos: I'm on loan.
DQ3: Somethin' doesn't add up, I mean, what about Somerville? What's his story? Why would they pull and old dinosaur like that back in?
Miklos: I guess he had something to do with the original program. Something that was codenamed 'Dark Waters' when it first started.

Act Six: Voyage To The Bottom

Act Eight: The Bigger Submarine